


Hurt Me Once

by GH_123



Category: Hollyoaks
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-11
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2020-01-11 17:47:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18429038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GH_123/pseuds/GH_123
Summary: Song fic loosely based on Hurt Me Once by Ben Platt.Based upon when Harry was still very much going between Ste and James. Focusing on James’ feelings and pushing Harry to make a choice.





	Hurt Me Once

**Author's Note:**

> This is something I have been working on for a while. I was a little unsure whether to post this as it wasn’t a request or anything. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

James watched him play happy families from across the room. Despite the typical Friday night atmosphere that was starting to fill the pub his eyes were transfixed on one person and one person only. 

Harry Thompson. 

He watched him from the other side of the room, wine glass in hand. He didn’t make it a usual habit to spy on his lover during their time apart but after work drinks had led him here and when he clocked Harry, he decided to stay put rather than leave with the rest of the group.

Harry was with his family and him. Ste. He watched as every so often they would lean in to one another, whisper something and then laugh like love struck teenagers. James’ body shivered and his heart raced every time Ste touched Harry, every time Harry initiated a kiss or looked at Ste the way he looked at him. 

This, the tender kisses, sweet little touches and loving gazes was their thing. It used to be their thing, now it was just something that stayed behind closed doors. The wine was starting to hit James, now on his third glass he began to reminisce about his relationship with Harry, back when it wasn’t this dirty little secret, this full blown passionate affair. The memories of just last night still very fresh in his mind. 

It was the simplest of things that James missed doing with Harry in public. Going for drinks after work, getting a little tipsy and putting the world to rights. Going to see a movie and then walking home late at night, not caring that it was late or dark because they simply had each other and that was all they needed. 

Harry had told James on many occasions that he didn’t love Ste, that he was the person that he wanted to be with and soon he would leave him and he and James would be free to live their life together. Like a fool, James believed him. He never let people in, never let anyone get close, with Harry it was different, he could be himself and love him with his whole heart. Harry knew exactly how James felt about him and understood his past struggles. 

Looking at Harry and Ste now, anyone would find it hard to believe that they weren’t in love. Harry was certainly a good actor, a far too good of an actor. This all looked very real. James always thought he could read Harry well, that even when he was with Ste, he could tell he was still thinking of him, but now it was almost as if he had forgotten how to read his face. James knew him too well to get this wrong. Harry wasn’t acting. He was still in love with Ste.

***

James returned home when he suddenly became aware of what he was doing. Spying on Harry and Ste, that wasn’t the person he wanted to be and yet he found himself completely wrapped up in it all. He had to leave before he fell in too deep and did something he would come to regret. He actually discovered much more than he had intended too, he wasn’t sure if it was more than he wanted to. 

He had been home for around half an hour, he had indulged in more wine and was currently reading when his mobile rang. The device vibrating loudly on the coffee table in front of him, as Harry’s name flashed across the screen. He debated whether to answer, but as always with Harry his willpower was lacking.

“Harry” he spoke, placing the phone to his ear as he accepted the call. 

“Are you home?” Harry asked. James knew where this conversation was heading. “I need to see you” the fact that he knew Harry _needed_ to see him, no matter what that need was, it totally overpowered any determination James had to turn him away. 

“Yeah. Yeah I’m home” 

“Okay, I’ll be over in a minute” before James had time to respond Harry ended the call. Within seconds there was a loud knock at James’ door. 

“I’m so glad to see you” Harry welcomed himself straight into James’ home, after what he had just witnessed it annoyed James how comfortable and at ease Harry seemed to be in _his_ home. “I’ve been over at The Dog for hours with my dad and Ste, just living this lie” he admitted, as if his actions were finally dawning on him. He walked over to James and took hold of his hands in his. “All I wanted to do was just stand there and shout from the rooftops how much I love you” Harry smiled as he squeezed his hands. 

It was as if time had stood still for James. Harry loved him, he had never said that before, never really expressed how he felt. Sure, he had told him he didn’t love Ste and that he was the one he wanted to be with but actually saying those words, well it was everything James wanted to hear and more. 

“You love me?” 

“Yeah, I do” Harry smiled, “I love you” they held eye contact before slowly leaning into one another, their lips meeting, moving against one another’s in complete sync. It started out slow and gentle, their hands caressing each other’s faces as their lips entwined, it then turned passionate and hungry, the need that Harry had come over for suddenly taking over. Harry pushed James against the breakfast bar, their mouths moving quicker, Harry tasting the wine on James’ lips, as he tried to tug at his shirt. 

James stopped momentarily, pulling himself away from Harry.

“Where does Ste think you are?” James asked intrigued to know what excuse he had come up with now. They had spent the night together just last night, he wanted to know what reasons he had used this time. 

“Why does it matter” Harry dismissed his question quickly, moving this time to kiss his neck, gently nipping at the skin. It took all the willpower James possessed to not give in to temptation. He gripped Harry by the shoulder and pushed him off of him. 

“It matters to me Harry” James argued. Harry looked a little shocked at James’ sudden outburst, he couldn’t understand where all this had come from. He stood there looking a little defeated before finally giving him an answer.

“I told him Zack needed me, he thinks I’m over at the Lovedays” he explained. “Now can we please” Harry spoke moving closer to James, “just pick up from where we left off” Harry leaned in to kiss James again. 

“We can’t keep doing this” James told him moving swiftly out of the way of the on coming kiss. 

“What do you mean?” Harry asked, confused. “I thought you were okay with this” James hadn’t given him any indication until now that there was a problem with their little set up. 

“Well that was until I found out you’re still in love with Ste” James revealed, his voice getting louder as he grew angrier at the whole situation. 

“Still in love w...what are you talking about?! James, I love you. I want to be with you!” Harry argued, frustrated by the accusation James seemed to be throwing around. 

“It didn’t look like that tonight. From where I was sitting you looked completely in love with each other” James defended. He was a lawyer, he was good at reading people, their facial expressions, their body language, it all helped build up a case and image of what their life was like. To an outsider, Ste and Harry looked very much like the epitome of love. 

“You’ve been spying on me” Harry seemed hurt by the lack of trust. 

“I’ve not been spying on you” James snapped dismissing his question immediately, “I was there for work drinks. I saw everything, the looks you were giving each other, the kisses that _you_ were initiating. You don’t kiss someone you don’t love Harry” 

“Why are you bringing this up? You know how it has to be? I can’t give my family anymore heartbreak, not right now, you know what they’re going through” Harry felt as if he had explained this numerous times to James, with his sister ill in hospital and his family putting their everything in to his up and coming wedding to Ste, he couldn’t bring himself to tell them it was all over. They needed some kind of happiness, no matter how short lived it was. 

“Yet it’s okay for me to be heartbroken” James’ voice cracked a little, he was trying his hardest to hold it together but Harry’s lack of consideration for his feelings was wearing thin. “Look” he sighed as he sat down on the arm of the sofa. “All I’m saying is if you have to end this, whatever this is” he gestured between the two of them. “Then do it now” James urged, wanting this all to be stopped before he fell in too deep and got hurt, he was worried that it was already too late. 

“I don’t want to end this. I want to be with you. You are the one I want to be with” Harry made his way over to James, standing in front of him and taking his hands in his, giving them a squeeze. He felt as if he was repeating himself, he didn’t know how many more times he needed to say it to make James believe it.

“I want to be with you too, just not like this” James sighed removing his hands from Harry’s grip. “If you keep this going you’re going to end up losing me. I don’t want to be this secret anymore, this sordid affair”

“You know this is way more than affair” Harry interjected quickly. He wasn’t going to have James believe this was just some mindless fling.

“Do I?” James asked with a hopeless shrug, Harry didn’t respond. “It was fun at the beginning all the sneaking around and risk of getting caught, it added to excitement of it all. But now...” he took in a deep breath preparing himself for the words he was about to say. “I love you” he saw the smile that spread across Harry’s face. “You say you love me but you’re planning on marrying someone else” he looked devastated as the words left his lips. Here Harry was, begging James to see how much he loved him, yet as far as Ste knew they were marrying in less than month. “Just hurt me now and get it over and done with” James tried to shake away the emotion he was feeling. He didn’t want to cry. He didn’t cry. 

“I don’t want to hurt you James” Harry reached out, placing his hand on James’ face. “I never wanted to hurt you” he explained. 

“You’re marrying someone else Harry” James exasperated.

“I don’t want to” 

“If you love me” James started, about to give Harry an ultimatum. “If you love me as much as you say you do, then end it with Ste, kill whatever it is you have with him and be with me” he hated to beg, he wasn’t the begging type, but his voice held an element of pleading. 

“You know why I can’t” Harry spoke slowly, with his eyes closed, it was as if he couldn’t look at James while he broke his heart. 

“You need to make a choice Harry. You have all of these choices” James argued his voice raising as he grew frustrated at Harry. 

“Choices? What choice do I have James?” Harry argued back, dramatically waving his arms around.

“Me, Ste, your family” 

“And what about you?” Harry asked. 

“I choose you Harry. It’s always been you, I don’t want to be with anyone else” James finally admitted to himself and to Harry. There were occasions in the past where James had tried to play Harry at his own game. Flirting with other guys and going on dates, sure they made Harry jealous and for a night James got what he wanted, but they didn’t replace Harry, they didn’t even come close, if anything it just made the Harry shaped void in his heart even bigger. 

Silence fell between them for a few moments, it could have only been seconds, a minute if that, but after James’ confession of wanting to be with Harry seeming to fall flat it felt like hours. Harry didn’t respond, he didn’t know what to say, there was nothing he could say that he hadn’t said a million times over already. James let out a heavy, defeated sigh. 

“You should go Harry” 

“James, don’t be like this” Harry begged. 

“Ste will be wondering where you are” he told him coldly as he gestured towards the door.

“James, please”

“You need to make a choice Harry”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> As always please leave comments and prompt requests (if you have any) below.
> 
> Lots of love. xxx


End file.
